


Hurt (Afraid)

by syriala



Series: Meet Me Again, Time After Time [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, Assassination, Blood, Drinking, Grief/Mourning, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 12:07:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3728359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syriala/pseuds/syriala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony was seventeen when his parents died. He could have dealt better with that but then again the Soldier could have done worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurt (Afraid)

**Author's Note:**

> This is not a happy chapter. Please heed the tags and if you think I should tag anything else please let me know.

Tony was already drinking when the call came so it didn't really change his plans for the evening. He just hit the bottle harder after he went out to buy three more. He figured he'd need them. 

He was only seventeen but one look at his face prevented anyone from asking for his age. The few people who recognized Tony tried to talk to him, give him their condolences, it must have been in the news already, but Tony brushed them off. He didn’t need this. He didn’t need to hear this everywhere he went to. He briefly thought about going to a party to get really shitfaced but if everyone knew already that wouldn’t work out too well.

So when he came back to his apartment and opened up the first bottle he couldn't help but laugh. This event had been the one thing he had wanted to attend, the one thing he wanted to go to with his parents, and he had begged his father to take him. Every person who could ever do something with robots would be at this convention and Tony wanted to meet all of them and after a week of phone calls and desperate pleas, yes Tony was not above it, his father had agreed, albeit grudgingly.

It would have been the highlight of Tony’s month but then his professors had buried him in work for his graduation and he had to call his father to cancel. 

Howard had yelled at him for almost an hour, how much work it had been to get a ticket for him, what an ungrateful bastard he was and whatnot and that had been the last thing they said to another. 

Now Howard and his mom were dead, burned in a car wreck, and in some deep place Tony couldn't help but be grateful to his professors. The work they put on him essentially saved his live. 

But now he was faced with a shit-ton of paperwork, it was the lawyer who had told him about the accident in the first place, and Tony was already done with everything. They would expect him to take over the company, to continue the legacy of his dad and that was so far from what he wanted that he didn't even knew how to tell anyone. 

His phone ringed, again, and he glanced at it. It was probably Rhodey but he couldn’t be sure. It could also be Obadiah, and he was the last person he wanted to talk to now. Tony sighed and let the call go unanswered. When the person hang up, Tony picked up the receiver in order to call Rhodey, but he needed another five minutes before he actually dialled. He was so not ready to talk about this.

"Tony?" Rhodey asked after the first ring and Tony sighed. "Are you alright? I heard it in the news. I am so sorry." 

"I am good" Tony said and there was already a slight slur to his words. 

"You’re drinking." It was a statement rather than a question and Tony didn't bother to answer. "Do you need me to come over?" Rhodey asked quietly. 

Tony thought about that for a minute. Did he want someone to come over and regulate his drinking, trying to tell him how sorry they are, to stop him from the thought that had been flying around in his head since the phone call? The answer to all of that was definitely no. 

"I'm good Rhodey" Tony said after a while and Rhodey sighed. 

"Listen when you need anything..." 

"I will call you if I need you. Thanks. Bye." 

"Do that. I can be over in a second" Rhodey said but Tony nearly missed it because he was already hanging up. 

He walked into his workroom and the little robot he had made for the convention, and his graduation, made a whizzing sound. "You" Tony pointed at it "are a dummy." The bot moved its head eagerly and Tony laughed. 

"This is good. That will be your name. Dummy." 

The bot made a few more whirring sounds and it almost sounded like he was happy. Almost. Tony eyed the bottle. He couldn’t have drunk this much already. But the bottle was still half full and so he shrugged. It was an AI after all. Maybe it could be happy. That wouldn’t be the least surprising thing Tony ever invented.

Since Tony wasn't one to let good booze go to waste he didn’t only eye the bottle but also took a good sip. He kept drinking until late that night and he ignored his ringing phone. But the more he drank the more annoying it got and eventually he moved to the put the receiver next to the phone. The beeping was much easier to ignore than the constant ringing and Tony congratulated himself on that clever thought with another gulp from his second bottle.

Tony was staring at the knives in his kitchen, neatly laid out on the table, contemplating what the best choice would be, when his phone rang. He whirled around, making himself dizzy in the process, dizzier then he already was, to look at his phone. He was quite drunk but he was fairly sure that it shouldn’t be ringing. 

He wobbled over to it and picked up. "Rhodey I told you I will call you if I need you. I don't even have to remember your number just hit redial. Stop calling." Tony was proud that his voice was only barely unsteady.

"Mr Stark" a voice said and Tony immediately sobered up. 

"Oh no Mr. Warly. Still working at this time. What can I do to get rid of you?" It was the family lawyer and Tony had had enough unpleasant phone calls for one day from this man. 

"Mr Stark there is a lot you could do" the man answered and he sounded stressed but Tony didn’t care. 

"Stop calling me that. Mr Stark was my father. Who is not amongst the living anymore so maybe you shouldn't be calling me that." 

"Fine. Anthony, there is a lot to do. A lot of paperwork. Legal actions we have to take." 

"Of which I will be doing nothing" Tony said shortly and tightened the grip on the bottle.

"This is about your heritage." 

"The company. Let’s call it what it is and not get carried away. And I will not take over the company. " 

"That will be for another day, Anthony. Right now it's about the funeral." The lawyer sounded really tired and Tony didn’t find it in him to care.

"With which I will also have nothing to do with. Thank you and good night." He slammed the receiver down and when he turned the Soldier was standing in his room. 

Tony wasn't even remotely surprised which could be thanks to the alcohol but in truth he was just too used to his appearance act by now. 

"You did this" he said accusingly and pointed at the phone. The Soldier vaguely nodded. 

"The beeping" he slowly said like he wasn't sure what he meant by that. The Soldier didn't often speak to him but go figure that this would be one of those rare nights. 

"What do you want" Tony asked and swayed on his feet, bottle still firmly in his grip. 

"I...don't..." the Soldier started and Tony laughed. 

"Yeah. You never know. Why do you never know?" Tony made a gesture with his hand forgetting that it still held the bottle and the alcohol spilled out. The Soldier eyed the bottle and took a step back, looking afraid all of a sudden. 

Tony laughed again because how did this become his life? Where he recognised the feelings of a man with a mask and a robot and where he was an orphan. 

That thought brought tears to his eyes and he sat down where he stood. The Soldier was still eying the bottle and he was obviously on edge. Tony looked at the bottle and back to the Soldier and then put the bottle as far away as he could without moving from his place. There was barely any alcohol left in it anyway and he showed the Soldier his empty hands. 

"I don't know why you don't like the bottle but it's gone" Tony said, just like his parents, and Tony tried desperately to keep his tears at bay. He would not cry. Not for them. 

"So what's up?" Tony asked the Soldier in an attempt to get him to stop looking at him. Even though he knew his question would probably confuse the guy. He never seemed particularly aware of why he was visiting Tony. 

"Something is not right" the Soldier said haltingly and looked at Tony for confirmation. 

"You don't say." Tony couldn’t help the bitter laugh that accompanied the words. 

"Two people are dead" he continued slowly and Tony had to laugh for real now. 

"Damn right they are" he said and wanted to toast the Soldier but he had forgotten that he put the bottle away. 

"Two people. In a car. Are dead." 

Now Tony frowned. "Yes they are. So you are watching the news. congratulations" he said but the Soldier only looked more confused. 

"Who were they?" the Soldier asked. 

“They were my parents. If you saw the news you really should know that." Tony’s face had probably been plastered all over the news.

"Your parents. Is that why I am here?" the Soldier asked him and he sounded lost. 

"What the hell do I know. You come and go like you want to." 

Despite being thoroughly drunk Tony wondered about his visit. The Soldier had never talked much and now he uttered more sentences in one evening than in all the time Tony knew him together. And he hadn’t heard his voice for quite some time so his words were a bit difficult to make out behind the mask and with Tony being drunk. When he concentrated back on the Soldier a gun was levelled at his head. 

"You saw me before" the Soldier stated and there was no sound of confusion in his voice. It held only steel now. 

Tony was too drunk to react properly to the gun, maybe he was even too tired to do something, and the prospect of being shot didn't seem so bad, especially when someone knocked on his door. 

The Soldier’s head snapped around and he gestured for Tony to get up. "Answer it" he coldly said and Tony clumsily climbed to his feet. He knew that he should probably be afraid or at least be cautious but he couldn’t muster the appropriate feelings and he didn’t even care. 

He opened the door and was faced with his neighbour, Emily. "Oh god, Tony, I am so sorry, I just heard it on the news, are you alright?" 

Tony looked her up and down and then he forced a grin on his face. "Just peachy." 

With that he shut the door in her face before she could say anything else. He leaned heavily against it, seeking its support and he could have fallen asleep like this if there wasn’t suddenly a gun pressed to the back of his head. 

"Where have you seen me? Did anyone else see me?" The Soldier sounded urgent when he asked Tony that.

Tony turned around and the Soldier put the gun to his forehead. Tony couldn't decide if he wanted to lean into the door or the gun. 

"You come to me all the time. I took care of your arm the first time" he said and pointed at it. It was clad in leather today and through the glove Tony could only see the silver fingertips. 

The Soldier took a step back and shook his head though the gun stayed at his head. He seemed to concentrate hard on something and then said "No. You cried." 

Tony moved the gun away from his head and the Soldier let it happen. “I did not cry." He had never cried in front of this man. He would remember that. 

"You were lost" the Soldier continued and he sounded surer now. 

"The only one lost here is you." 

Tony walked back to the bottle and took another big sip. He turned around gesturing with the bottle in his hand. The Soldier hadn't moved, he hadn’t even turned around. 

"You know what? Kind of convenient that you showed up. You can do it." 

At that the Soldier slowly turned around and looked at Tony, obviously not comprehending. 

"You can put a bullet through my head. Then I don't have to get the knives." Tony laughed bitterly. "The Stark family wiped out in one night. People will think it was an assassination. Some mysterious brutal way to get rid of Howard Stark, his intelligence and his good for nothing son." 

The Soldier staggered a bit and dropped the gun. "Two people in a car." 

"Yes, for Christ’s sake we had this. Get with the program. Two people in a fucking car. My dad was probably too drunk to even find his seat belt. Pity mom never cared enough to call him out on it." Tony eyed the bottle again. "Well, like father like son eh?" he said bitterly and emptied the bottle. 

The Soldier was suddenly next to him, taking the bottle from his hand. Tony let it happen, too emotionally drained to act up now. All he wanted to do was sleep. And it didn't seem like the Soldier would let him. Or help him with that for that matter. 

Tony went and picked up the gun that had fallen from the Soldier’s hand and weighed it. He knew weapons, he should, given his father’s choice of work, and even though he never fired one he was fairly certain that he couldn't mess up with a shot to the head. 

He steadied his grip on it and slowly raised it but the Soldier wrestled it out of his hand a second later. It wasn’t like Tony put up a fight for him.

"You’re gonna do it?" Tony asked and smiled. "Right here" he said and pointed at his forehead. "But I probably don't need to tell you that. You've killed people. You can kill me." Tony had never asked about the Soldier’s line of work but come on. It wasn’t like anyone could mistake what the Soldier was doing.

The Soldier stared at him for a long time and then he smoothly disabled the weapon. Tony’s smile fell. 

"No! You're supposed to do it. Why else would you be here now?" 

When Tony moved forward the Soldier took a step back. Tony tried to hit him then, his arms uncoordinated and weak. Despite that he did get a few hits in but there was too much alcohol in his system, he knew that his hits did no damage, that they were too clumsy, but he didn’t care. 

The Soldier silently took it, even though he could probably wrestle him to the floor in a split second, and that only fuelled Tony’s rage. 

"How dare you. How dare you come here and not do what I ask. I helped you. You have to help me. Please." 

Tony’s voice was thick with his tears now but he refused to let them fall. 

"I don't want this. I never wanted the company. How can he do this to me? I never intended to be the heir to anything. He never would have let me anyway. I know nothing about the company. Why would he leave me to do this? He was not supposed to die!" 

Tony yelled the last sentence and he punctuated each word with a hit to the Soldier’s chest who wordlessly took it. 

"They were not supposed to die" Tony finally whispered and slumped down to the ground. "I can't do this" he went on and looked up at the Soldier who impassively returned his stare. 

"Please" Tony begged and the Soldier blinked. "Just do it" Tony continued and held up the magazine. The Soldier took it, gathered the rest of the gun and silently put it back together. Then he holstered it and stared Tony down. 

"So you're gonna leave me like this. You're gonna leave me to do it on my own." 

The Soldier didn't react to what Tony said and instead went to the phone. He did something there Tony couldn’t see but when he moved it looked the same. He gave one last look to Tony before he vanished as silently as he had appeared. 

Tony hit the floor, angry at the Soldier and his parents and the world and then he gathered himself. He couldn’t break his hand on the floor now. He still needed it. 

He slowly got up and swayed over to the kitchen where his knives where still on display on the table. He took a deep breath and reached for the sharpest one he had. 

He weighed it like he had with the pistol and he knew that this would hurt. He would have preferred the bullet, that would have been clean and fast, but since the Soldier just left with the gun he would have to do it on his own. 

Tony took a deep steadying breath and then moved the knife to his arms. He knew that a cut over the wrists would take too long, if he was found he could be saved. 

He scoffed at that thought. Who would find him? No one would come to rescue him. No one ever did and no one ever would. 

Still, he decided to do both versions, one over the wrist, one right up his arm, just to be sure and he started on his right hand. 

The knife went easily into his flesh and when blood rushed out of the cut he knew he was deep enough. It hurt a lot less than he had feared but that was probably thanks to the alcohol. He finished the motion and changed the hands. 

On his left hand he started at his wrist and then cut up to the inside of his elbow and everything was red so fast he got dizzy. Which was a good thing, really. Something that he wanted he reminded himself. 

He heard a faint whizzing sound and when he turned around, the knife still in his hand and blood pooling around his feet, he saw Dummy. He must have come out of his workroom. 

"Go back, Dummy. You don't need to see this." 

Dummy came closer despite his words and now Tony could see that he held a cloth in his arm. 

"This won't stop the bleeding you know" Tony said but he was strangely touched at the gesture. Maybe he did something good after all. 

The thought got interrupted when someone heavily knocked on the door. "Tony. Open up!" 

It was Rhodey. Tony wondered why he came, he said he would call if he needed him but thoughts began to evade him and he felt so dizzy and tired. He sat on a stool, too tired to stand and he listened to Rhodey’s pounding. 

It went silent for a few seconds and then the door got kicked down and Rhodey rushed in. He saw Tony immediately and blanched visibly which was really funny to Tony for some reason and so he laughed. 

"Holy shit, Tony, what did you do" Rhodey asked horrified and grabbed the cloth Dummy handed him. He rushed over and put it over Tony’s arm, trying to stop the bleeding. He saw another towel on the counter and bound that around Tony’s wrist and then he held his arms up. 

"Why'd you come" Tony slurred. This had not been the plan.

"Because you called me" Rhodey said, still busy trying to stop the bleeding. "Don’t move" he ordered and ran back to the phone to call an ambulance. 

Tony’s thoughts were slow now but he didn't call Rhodey, did he? He couldn't remember using the phone but there was a black, leather clad back that had blocked his view to the phone. Before Tony could make sense of that everything went black. 

 

He woke up in a hospital bed, Rhodey right beside him. 

"You asshole" Rhodey said when he noticed Tony’s open eyes but he sounded relieved. 

"What happened?" Tony asked sluggishly and looked around. His arms were covered in bandages and they hurt, God, did they hurt. The sight helped Tony to remember what he had done and he looked at Rhodey. 

"You saved me. Why did you come?" He wasn't sure if he should thank him or hit him. 

"You called me, Tones. You called and didn't say a thing and I was afraid for you. Rightfully so" Rhodey answered and took a deep breath. "Never, ever do something like this again. I thought I'd lost you." 

Tony didn't remember calling Rhodey; instead he remembered the Soldier at his phone. He must have called Rhodey. Redial maybe. Tony couldn't figure out why he would do that but it seemed that the Soldier cared after all. 

He turned his attention back to Rhodey. "Will it help if I say I'm sorry? I was drunk.”

“And grieving. I know that. Still. Please.” Rhodey still sounded afraid and Tony took his hand. It was good to know that someone cared enough for him to genuinely be afraid for him.

"I am sorry. I won't.... There is no one left to die so it won't happen again." 

He was aware that he evaded a promise because he was not so sure if he could keep it but it seemed to be enough for Rhodey because he nodded. 

"Sleep now. I'll be here when you wake up." 

Tony nodded, feeling too tired to argue with him and he fell into an exhausted sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for being patient with me and my finger. I continue to be blown away by all the kudos and nice comments you guys leave and it really means a lot to me. 
> 
> You can still find me at my [tumblr](http://bloody-bee-tea.tumblr.com//)


End file.
